1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
