Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
His nipple licking is glorious
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
