How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
