Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
