That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
someone owes me an orgasm
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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