Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
