So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
