I will die if light touches me.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
