Where is the hickey?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
