He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
