Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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