just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He has the fingertips of a God
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