cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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