I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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