____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't deserve a penis
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Randomize
