I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
