The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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