I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
COCAINE IS GR8
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
