OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
