I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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