Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
it's like iHOP with fire
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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