at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
