Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
