Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
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