Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
We need a shit load of segways right now
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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