I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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