im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
