Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
