Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
