Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
