I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
