well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize
