I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
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