How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
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