So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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