i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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