I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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