She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
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