im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
