C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
