So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I intend to get homeless drunk
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
