he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
