I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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