I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
