Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
FUCK WHALES
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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