You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
