I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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