In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I am midnight drunk by noon
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
