the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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