The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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