The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
