I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
