worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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